i think i've been sleep talking again

by dizzzzy

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i put this together in like 20 minutes for fun because apparently writing is self expression


i know every word that needs to be spoken i just dont know how to communicate it to someone with such a thick skull
youve already changed subjects, probably talking about college
i cant stand the way you can leave me hanging for just any little idea or other activity more captivating
when we were naive and so unaware of each other you ran your hands down my back and asked me how angels hid their wings,
i gave you no answer even questioning it myself
but maybe that absence of a response is what led you to believe that i was the devil
i was the source of the bad and the suffering but you loved the way it hurt
oh god the pain gripped you and you were shaking like a leaf
but you didnt let it shake your confidence
you welcomed it like a warm blanket
maybe youve grown as numb as i have
the way a person can manage to block out all of their nerves when something sickens the brain is extraordinary
i told you it's human nature to destroy but maybe what i was trying to tell you, no, warn you is that i am a destructive person
and one day i'd blow up in your face
and you'd be left plummeting down into the grave that was dug deeper with every 'i love you' that came out of your mouth
maybe your 'i love yous' were warnings too
maybe it was you telling me how much it hurt to care because, fuck, i could see the pain in your eyes when you struggled the words past your bloody lips
im not even quite sure where we stand anymore but i can tell you it's burning me alive like the surface of the sun
maybe the heaviness in my chest isn't the weight of the cigarette smoke but the water filling my lungs from where i lost myself at sea looking for you
and maybe it has nothing to do with you at all and ive only imagined everything about us
and maybe im only tired, tired enough that you would seem like a better choice than sleep


released July 11, 2015



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dizzzzy North Carolina

i dont know what i'm doing but i sure do think a lot

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